Consider . . .

You are in an interview, and a personal criticism is leveled at you. How do you respond?

You want to establish rapport early in your meeting. What's the best way?

You are asked how you would handle a sensitive situation among several employees. What's the best response?

Unexpectedly, you are offered a job during your first interview. How do you respond positively without fully committing to it?

Reflect . . .

The situations posed above are commonplace, yet they can be critical junctures in the communication path between two or more parties. The way you respond to a given situation can spell success or failure.

This is not to suggest that there is only a single response to a given situation, but clearly some ways of responding are much more conducive to ongoing, positive communications.

Consider the model of the four communication modes (see diagram, p. 47). Make it a point to understand each and then to monitor yourself as to when, how often and in what situations you use each of the four modes. Keep in mind that they frequently are used in combination with one another. Note too that the same basic words can be used in each of the four modes.

First, let's describe each mode. The Inquiring Mode asks questions to draw the other person out, to clarify, to gain more information, to qualify or to shift the conversation. The Empathizing Mode openly addresses the emotions of the other party. It moves from facts and logic to a deeper and more personal level. The Advisory/Informing Mode states facts, but a caution is to be noted. Facts may be presented in a straightforward, for-your- information manner, or they can be presented in a demanding or threatening manner. Obviously, the latter manner generally hinders good communications. And last, there is the Criticizing Mode of communicating. It is often